Readers letters

Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes
this summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports
personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation
with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never
shutting up about it makes me proud to be British. Ben Hunt



'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial
says.
Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30. Colum Hill



I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a
mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail loose
around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I
would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme.
She was sent by DHL next day delivery. L Palmer, London



Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just
like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's
m!nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh? P, Leeds

It really annoys me to see these suicide bombers blowing up people as
well as themselves. In my day, suicide was done in a more dignified way,
such as slicing your wrists in the bath, or hanging yourself from a door
with a belt. Paul Mulraney, Belfast


On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to
reach the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a
correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate
Jeremy Clarkson with?' to which I confidently replied '<unt'. Not only was I
told the answer was incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to
leave the premises immediately. Has anyone else experienced such
appalling treatment whilst holidaying with one's family? Noel, Leeds



I'LL never understand my neighbour. He has recently started
wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked
it in his own drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both.
Alan Thakray


On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in
Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've
obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road.
Alan J., London



Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's
Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing
into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some
faster cars. T Barnham, London



The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in
Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just
me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the
poor sods? John Campbell, e-mail


Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What
about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about
Galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius. Mike
Woods, e-mail


With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers
try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of
Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw*t quickly enough the last
time he played hide and seek with them. Shuggie, Email


Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with
the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I
hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid
sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond


And finally



What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being
the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that. Thomas J

Some good ones there!