NEW DRIVING LAWS

[user525]

The recent case where Miss Sarah McCaffery was pursued by spotter plane,
helicopter and patrol car, who was finally brought to justice after ten court
cases (the last of which she was fined £60 for holding an apple at the wheel,
and thus not being in control of her vehicle) brings to light new legislation
which drivers should be aware of.

For example, little alsatians sitting in rear windows must be able to nod both
ways. If the head sticks at any point, or if one of the eyes has fallen out, the
possible consequent distraction of the driver's attention carries a mandatory
six-month prison sentence. A further six months, to run consecutively, will
follow the discovery of anything rolling noisily about in the glove box, eg,
dog's glass eye, or of an ashtray containing, say, an old Elastoplast which
could be ignited by an ineptly stubbed cigarette, leading to smoke that might
cause the driver to cough, blink, swerve, and roll down an embankment into the
path of a train carrying nuclear waste past a faith school.

While certain unavoidable smells are permitted baby, garlic, old male relative
odours such as gerbil, Big Mac, or KY Jelly, indicating the carriage of items
which might at some time in the past have diverted the driver's concentration,
will lead to automatic confiscation and roadside destruction of the vehicle,
plus criminal proceedings. Should these faults be detected by electronic
aroma-sensors on roadside police masts before the driver can be prevented from
entering the Channel Tunnel, Interpol will be alerted to set up armed roadblocks
throughout the EU.

Stickers on bumpers and rear windows must not be torn or defaced: signs, for
instance, saying "Do it with their socks on" or "We have seen Lake" will
automatically incur prosecution on the grounds that following drivers could be
distracted by wondering who it is who do it with their socks on, or which lake
might have been seen. Furthermore, little St Christopher statuettes must be
screwed, not glued, to dashboards, since, in the event of an emergency stop,
these could fly off and lodge between the driver's legs with unfathomable
consequences, especially in the proximity of an old people's crossing or
unsupervised cattery.

Should any driver be so reckless as to allow his/her spouse to sit beside
him/her reading a road map, both, if detected by a police satellite or, in
coastal areas, periscope will immediately be arrested, even if they have not
yet started shouting. And if any driver, at any time, allows a wasp to enter his
vehicle and buzz about so distractingly that the new roadside bug sonar is
alerted, let him note that the Serious Insect Squad never sleeps.

[kurgen]

Now now! Sarcasm will get you everywhere
dave

[Tuppy]

dont give them any more ideas for fecks sake