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#3
11-08-2004, 12:13 PM
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I'm trying...! Damn quiet here work wise tho.... and I am training a guy this afternoon, wont have much for him to do either...
 I need a new job! lol Anyway, back to some jokes... Two flies sitting on a turd One f@rts The other one says "Do you mind doing that while I am eating!" :giveup: Terrible I know! 
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#4
11-08-2004, 12:39 PM
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skip,
you've got it bad babe!  I've got one for you: There was a ventriloquist, who was very successful, he decided that when he retired he wanted a farm. So he looked through the local paper and found a farm advertised. Later that day he went to see the farm. He met the farmer and asked him to show him round and to introduce him to some of the animals. There were 3 large sheds: In the first shed was a cow - the ventriloquist decided to have some fun and asked the cow how the farmer treated him? And then throwing his voice said "Oh its alright, he lets me out in the field all day and milks me at night!" The farmer looking very surprised said "I've had that cow for 20 years and its never spoken to me!" Then they came to the second shed - in the next shed was a horse, so once again he asks "hows the farmer been treating you?" He throws his voice again sayiong "Not too bad, the farmer lets me out all day, feeds me twice a day and gives me plenty of hay!" The farmer then says "I've had that horse 15 years and hes never spoken to me before!" The ventriloquist then comes to the third shed. And the farmer won't let him in. The ventriloquist says "if I'm going to buy your farm then i need to see all of it" The farmer replies " OK........... but if the pig says i've been shagging it then its a liar!!!!" __________________
__________________
Life's not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty and well preserved piece, but instead, to skid across the line broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out, leaking oil shouting " GERONIMO " :muhaha:
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#6
11-08-2004, 02:01 PM
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Here's one I pinched earlier....
One day, a man noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door. "Excuse me," the man stammered, "But I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is." "Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied. "Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts." The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor man when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments. Finally, they return, and ask the man to step inside. "Okay," the husband says gruffly, "For ten thousand dollars, you can kiss my wife's tits." At this, the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hang free at last. The man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed. "Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls. "I can't," replies the man, still nuzzling away. "Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now. "I don't have ten thousand dollars!"
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