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kids
Thought you would like this
>
> 1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat,
> but it was dead.
> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her
pupil.
> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered
> the child innocently.
> "You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
> "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went
> Pssst' and it didn't move"
>
>
>
> 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
> Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
> "What?"
> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
> "No, You had your chance. Lights out."
> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
> "WHAT?"
> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
> I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!"
> Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
> "WHAT!"
> "When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of
> water?"
>
> 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
> mischief,
> finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
> The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out
> and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter
says, >'For
> Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>
> 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother
was
> tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the
l ight >when
> he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mummy, will you sleep
with >me tonight?"
> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
> "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little
voice: >"The
> big sissy."
>
> 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for
the
> children's sermon.
> All the children were invited to come forward. One little
> girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
>down,
> the minister leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty
dress. >Is it your
> Easter Dress?"
> The little girl replied, directly into the minister's
clip-on >microphone,
> "Yes, and my Mum says it's a b itch to iron."
>
> 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my
three >year
> old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get
into >the shower.
> She said, "Mummy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes,
honey, >remember
> Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy."
> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your bum?"
>
> 7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
himself, >"Two
> plus five, that son of a b itch is seven.
> Three plus six, that son of a b itch is nine...." His mother
> heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mum."
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the
mother >asked.
> "Yes," he answered.
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What
> are you teaching my son in math?"
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus
>two, that
> son of a b itch is four?"
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I
> taught them was,
> two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>
> 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of
>Chicken Little
> to her class. She came to the part of the story where
Chicken
> Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so
Chicken >Little
> went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky
is >falling!"
> The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
> think that farmer said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said:
> 'Holy Sh it! A talking chicken!'"
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
>
> 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
I'm >Mr.
> Sugarbrown's daughter."
> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane
> Sugarbrown."
> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't
> you Mr.Sugarbrown's daughter?"
> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
>
> 10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and
play >with the boys?"
> Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys,
they're >to rough."
> The little girl thought about it for a few moments and
asked, If >I can
> find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
>
> 11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
> She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his
hair >cut, eating
> a snack cake The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're
gonna
> get hair onyour muffin."
> She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
>
> Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone
> else!!
>
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